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Four centuries of slavery
Chained, caged like a bird
Made to believe that we’re second class
Slavery took its toll
Etched in every cell of our brain
The thought of being Indios
Yet, trapped in our very frame
A tiny tweeny voice
A voice so clear
Reverberating its message
We are great, we are the chosen race.
In a busy boat port one late afternoon of Monday September 4, 2006, the horizon was filled with spectrum of colorful hues - red, orange, yellow and blue as the sun was slowly setting. The water was calm, no surging waves, only intermittent wavelets. Yet, in this jocund company, I could not help but feel sad, reminiscing the sad state of my mother whom I left for work that Monday morning. As I headed to a boat at the port, I overheard the conversation of the driver and his passenger.
“Is the boat leaving now?” asked the passenger.
“Not yet, we are still waiting for two more passengers. They went to a memorial parlor to avail of its service and get a casket,” replied the driver.
As I looked straight at the driver, tears welled down from my eyes. My uncle, who was passing by to catch a boat, saw me, wiping the tears in my eyes. He came closer and without uttering any word, put his arm around my shoulders. His eyes communicated great sorrow, but left many things unsaid.
It was only a month ago when I received a text message from my cousin, an X-ray technician in a community hospital, informing me that my mother was confined to the hospital where she was working due to stroke. A minute later, my sister sent me a similar message that she rushed our mother to a hospital… I was really shocked that for a few minutes, I was immobile. I felt so weak like a melting candle in the night, like a wilting plant in a garden during summer time. Putting mind over matter, I was able to regain my strength. I did not waste any minute, I went directly to our College Dean and sought her permission for me to take a leave of absence so that I could take care of my sick mother. She granted my request and off I went directly to the hospital where my mother was confined.
Standing at the doorstep of the hospital room, I could see my mother lying on bed with my father seated on her bedside. I rushed to her side, held her hands and asked, “How are you, Mom?”
“Ahm, ahm, ahm…” was the only sound that Mom could laboriously produce trying to open her lips, but no words came out.
“Father, why can’t Mom talk? What happened to her?” I asked.
“She could no longer talk when she arrived at this hospital. The doctor said that her speech was affected because of severe stroke that paralyzed her left brain,” my father said in a low tone.
Looking at my Mom’s condition, my heart ached. I pitied her so much that her every moan seemed like a dagger piercing my very soul.
After three days of confinement, her doctor said that she was regaining strength and that her body system was responding to medication. She was given clearance for release, which means that she could already be brought home to continue her medication. It was a good news for all of us, her family. But the most difficult thing to learn was to feed her through nasogastric tube (NGT) a small tube attached to her nose down to her intestine. It was only my sister Weng and my brother Emil besides the nurse who were able to do her NGT feeding. After two weeks of home medication with the help of a private nurse, our family friend, and a caregiver, my cousin’s wife, we saw a little progress. However, something bad happened along the way, that out of irritation perhaps, my mother had accidentally removed her nasogastric tube (NGT). For only two days, that we tried to feed her through her mouth, she grew thin. So, Ate Weng decided to bring her again to the hospital. The doctor had put her NGT back, checked her up and gave her similar dosage of medicine.
After two to three days, she was able to recover. She gained weight and returned to her original shape. We were happy seeing little progress in her condition. Everyone in the family, then, believed that she would be able to recover like what happened in the previous strokes that she had survived.
Early morning of Thursday of the following week, we received a call from home, saying that mother suffered from another stroke. We all went home that day. When we arrived, her nurse talked to us, and said, “ After giving your mother her medicine around 9 o’clock in the evening last night, I went home. Just this morning when I came to check your Mom and to give her medicine, your aunt informed me that your mother was gasping for breath, trying to fight over death around 12 o’clock midnight. Then, after a few minutes of fighting for life, her body gave up and her eyes remained closed; she is now in coma.”
Upon hearing this, our family became divided whether or not to bring her to the hospital. Her nurse, being the only one in her right senses, said, “If you will bring your Mom to the hospital, there is a very lean chance of survival, because she could no longer move her left arm which means that her right brain is already affected as well as her heart. She will only find it more painful for there will be many apparatuses that will be attached to her body.”
What came to our minds then was the pain that our Mom would be suffering if she would be transported again back to the hospital from an island under the blistering heat of the sun, and then afterwards be pierced with needle for IV medication and dextrose, and be installed with catheter to measure her urine and oxygen tube to ease her breath. We never wanted to make her suffer any longer. Despite this argument, I felt so guilty that I tried to convince my sister Weng to bring her to the hospital again. Ate Weng called up her friend, our Mom’s doctor, and she asked for some medical advice as she narrated in detail how my Mom was attacked by another stroke which paralyzed her left extremities which before she could still move. Her friend said not to bring our Mom to the hospital anymore, but to take care of her and continue her medication. Perhaps, he could not only say this to my sister bluntly, “You take care of your Mom, because she has only a few hours or days to live.”
Everyone of us cried, with tears in our eyes, we prayed over her and surrendered her to God, our Heavenly Father.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday passed and with God’s miracle, she survived for four straight days, and was able to open her eyes, too. But that Sunday night, September 3, 2006 was the most painful one, lights went out and it was a very humid night. We took turns in fanning our mother manually using a fan and a cardboard alternately to ease her breath. I slept around ten, leaving my other sisters and aunts to look after our beloved mother. At dawn, I was awakened by my mother’s grip; I felt her hand pressed mine. When I went down, I saw her sleeping and beside her was my aunt asleep while seated. I realized that My Mom whose soul was already wandering really woke me up out of her concern for her sister who might fall from her seat while dozing off.
That Monday morning, my Mom could no longer urinate, nor excrete her wastes. At that time, I knew that her time was near, but I still went on to report to work, to file a leave of absence for a week and to prepare worksheets for my students and I promised to be back that afternoon to be with my Mom in the remaining days/hours of her life. Had I known that I could no longer see my Mom alive that very day, I would not have returned to work.
My recollection of my mother’s hospitalization and her suffering was interrupted by the arrival of a funeral car which transferred the casket to the motorboat. My sister Weng and Uncle Elding who made arrangements with the Memorial Chapel, boarded the boat. My other three sisters who also reported to work that day came. Then, the boat started to move heading to our hometown.
As we arrived home, I saw my Mom lying on her bamboo bed with her eyes half open as if she was just asleep. I could have rushed to her side and embraced her but what prevented me from doing it was my fear of the dead. Memories of my childhood flashed into my mind. Many years ago, I was only five years old then during the wake of my grandfather, we had this tradition that family and relatives of the dead should pay homage by either kissing his hand or for a child, by having her pass over the coffin. At that time, my mother was forcing me to kiss my grandfather’s hand, but I never did out of fear. At my young mind, I have developed this fear of touching or even holding the dead person’s hand. I carried this fear until now. That was the very reason for my not being able to hug the remains of my mother.
I went directly to the washroom where I cried and released the grief and the guilt that I felt. While I was there crying out, my eldest sister Ching sat beside our mother and whispered to her ears, “Mom, your children are already complete. We love you very much. Don’t worry, we shall take care of our father. May you rest in peace!” After saying this, my mother’s eyes closed tight.
On the day of my mother’s internment, after the Holy Mass, my uncle Felino delivered his eulogy for my mother, his cousin. “Our beloved Aniceta is now with our Heavenly Father. During her lifetime, she had been a good mother to her children and a good wife to her husband. She helped her husband to earn money to be able to send her children to school. As a good family woman, it is no doubt that God would find her life pleasing and would merit her eternal life with Him forever...”
Listening to Uncle Felino’s eulogy made everyone of us, including our relatives and friends, shed tears. That very moment, in my trance, I was back to my high school years when I was living in my aunt’s house. It was late Sunday afternoon, I was so excited to see my Mom visit me again, (her usual routine every week), from whole day’s work of selling fish in a distant town, enduring the excruciating heat of the sun. Every time she came to see me, she would give me allowance and fish to cook for our two to three day’s meals. I used to give her early dinner then, and while she was eating, she would ask me about school, and I would always tell her practically every thing that happened the whole week in school. Then, after finishing her meal, she would say the most painful goodbye; and I would be left again alone with my aunt and her five sons.
I was still in my deep reverie when I heard the priest say, “The bereaved family and relatives may now bless their beloved dead with holy water.”
As I lined up in front of the coffin, seemingly my great sorrow was wiped away by the thought that my mother would no longer suffer as we do, and that she is already in Heaven, happy and at peace with no worries and no anxieties.
After a year of my mother’s death, I no longer feel the guilt that I felt before. My mother’s love liberated me from such guilt. She appeared in my dreams many times saying, “My child, I understand what you had done. You only showed how much you loved me that’s why you let me go to be with God forever. You have to move on now.”
In another dream, I was able to embrace her and felt the warmth of her love.
“Inay, thank you,” I murmured. I was awakened by the tears rolling down my eyes. For the first time after a few months, I felt inner peace.
God is good that He knows what’s best for us. I remember well that was August 2003 when I received an email that my paper, the abstract of my MA thesis, was accepted for paper presentation in Hawaii International Conference on Education. I was so happy, that I started preparing all the documents I would need for the interview at the
At that time, I felt so sad. I even questioned God why He let it happen. All the while I thought He would answer my prayer. It was only after a few months that I realized he had a reason for not answering my prayer. In May 2004, my father was confined at the
True friends are hard to find
they are as rare as gems;
But when you come to find them,
you'll treasure them forever
for they will stick with you any time
even amidst storms.
How to find true friends?
a simple route for some,
but a complicated maze for others.
Some say, searching for a true friend is like
finding a needle amidst a haystack;
you need a set of keen eyes
to spot this minute thing.
In like manner, you've got to have
an extra sensory perception
to fathom one's heart,
to decipher his inner thoughts and feelings,
to dwell into the recesses of his being.
Yet, others believe otherwise;
They embrace this down to earth premise:
You don't need to be Einstein, Shakespeare,
Freud, Bruner or Piaget
to understand human nature;
All you need is an open heart
to sense genuine friendship.
We heard of stories of successful people with humble beginnings. Arnel Pineda, the lead vocalist of Journey, who came from a poor family who barely could not afford to eat three full meals a day, is now an international icon.
Tony Tan Caktiong, the owner of Jolibee Food Corporations, Inc., is the son of an ordinary cook in a small restaurant owned by their relative. During their plant visit when he was still in college at the University of Santo Tomas, he happened to see a poster promoting a franchising business of Magnolia Ice Cream. He ventured on a franchising business- ice cream – and later on, he introduced hot food like spaghetti, hamburger, etc. From an ice cream parlor, his food business grew and changed its name to Jollibee. Today, Jolibee has expanded, reaching other countries like Hongkong and USA.
Socorro Ramos, as a young mother, had to help her husband earn for a living by putting up a small sari-sari store during the Japanese occupation. That time, she had to sell slippers, fans, books, and any thing under the sun. During the American regime, her merchandise included whisky and other wine which the Americans patronized. However, there came a time that her store was devastated by storm, leaving her with nothing to start with. Yet, despite her misfortune, she managed to rise up. She borrowed money on loan to be able to start again her sari-sari store. Do you know that such store is now called, “National Bookstore” with 100 outlets nationwide?
They are just few of the many successful individuals. If you’ll ask me why they became successful, their secret, of course is positive mindset, coupled with hard work and faith in God.
So, if you want to become successful, follow their footsteps, and be an icon that you’ll dream to be.
Amidst a wide expanse of a cold, dark, lovely forest
A small stream lies in its nest
Dotted with beautiful, fragrant flowers along its edge
With gentle winds, flowers sway bowing to its Creator
From stream water petals get their nourishment,
Preventing its gradual withering, sustaining its existence
As gentle rays of sunlight get through the canopy
Petals enlivened; within its leaf exists a miracle
A process that prolongs flora’s subsistence
A wonderful harmony in ecosystemA child is a mirror of his own family. By simply looking at a child, his personality that makes up his thoughts, words, attitudes, behaviour and actions, we can decipher how healthy the relationship is among the members of his family.
Reading Jodi Picoult’s novel My Sister’s Keeper reminds us of five significant values and beliefs that are very realistic within the family system:
Firstly, “Family members so profoundly affect each other's thoughts, feelings, and actions” (Bowen, nd). Sara, realizing that her two-year old child Kate had leukaemia, she and her husband Brian resorted to IVF to make sure that she would conceive a baby that would be a match for Kate. For almost thirteen years, Anna, became a donor of blood, tissue, and bone marrow. Anna loved her sister Kate so much that though she also suffered from pains due to medical procedures, she never opposed her parents’ decision in favour of Kate’s health. However, during court trial it was also the same sisterly love which made her pursue the lawsuit against her parents for medical emancipation. During her testimony in court when Campbell asked her as to who convinced her to file a lawsuit, she replied, “Kate.” (p.449). She recalled the time when she saw Kate holding pills, purposely to end her life (p.460). Then, at one time, Kate convinced her not to donate her kidney by making her imagine a life where she could join hockey, go to any college she wants without having to worry about her sick sister (p. 462). Following her sister Kate’s advice of not donating her kidney, she thought of filing a case against her parents for medical emancipation.
Secondly, parents’ love for their children is a value very much evident in the novel. Sara loved Kate so much that she was willing to do every thing for her daughter’s sake even to the extent of representing herself and her husband in court against her own youngest daughter’s claim for medical emancipation. Brian had been a very loving and supportive father to Anna by making her stay with him in the fire station for a couple of days as court hearing commenced. Before the hearing, Brian sympathized with her daughter Anna and vowed to take side with her, allowing her not to donate her kidney. Yet, during the trial, he burst into tears, expressing his wish for Anna to donate her kidney to save Kate’s life. That’s how strong his love was for Kate. In another incident, we also see Brian as a very loving father to Jesse when he discovered that Jesse committed arson in an elementary school near their house as all the clues were pointing to him. Yet, Brian kept it as a secret out of love for his son. This incident touched Jesse so much that he straightened up his life and later on he became a policeman (p.499).
Thirdly, impairment of one or more children leads parents usually to have an idealized or negative view of the child (Family Systems Theory). In the novel, Sara and Brian had this idealized view of their child Kate, giving her more attention compared with their other children. Basically, the reason was that Kate needed medical attention the most, making other children feel less loved.
Fourthly, commitment to family members is apparent in the novel. When Julia was assigned as a guardian and litem by the judge, she tried to discover how Anna would relate to her family, and how family members would deal with each other. Based on her initial findings, Anna loved her family that much that she was torn whether or not to continue her lawsuit.
However, that same family love made Jesse show some kind of emotional distance. Having known that he could not be a donor of blood, tissue, or anything for his sister, he resorted to drug addiction and arson. He detached himself from his family by living alone in a room isolated from their house but within their compound. These illegal activities became his escape to forget his sister’s terminal illness.
Fifthly, open communication where there is trust and understanding is a secret ingredient to a happy family life. Had Sara and Brian talked to Anna openly and feel her pulse, then lawsuit could have been avoided. Ana could have been alive by then. It takes clear and open communication to keep the family intact.
Family systems theory is very much evident in the novel. As Bowen, who introduced the family systems theory, suggests “ that individuals cannot be understood in isolation from one another, but rather as a part of their family, as the family is an emotional unit.” Anna’s behaviour was influenced by her sister’s Kate whom she dearly loved; Brian’s, on the other hand, was also shaped by his love for his family; Sara’s actions as a mother was called for out of strong love for Kate and this same love she expressed for Anna upon learning her death.
Similarly, Bronfenbrenner’s (1990) ecological systems particularly the microsystem is very much present in the novel. “Microsystem refers to the first layer in ecological system by which the child has direct contact with like family, school and immediate environment which affects the development of the child. Bronfenbrenner believes that the primary relationship needs to be with someone who can provide a sense of caring that is meant to last a lifetime” ( Paquette and Ryan, nd).
Anna, Kate and Jesse acted in different ways due to the influences of the micro-system, their family, school and friends. Kate felt very much loved and in the end made her dream come true by becoming a dance instructor. Jesse after all his foolishness came to his senses and realized how much his parents loved him, thereby, making him the best policeman ever who became the number one drug buster.
The novel is truly moving and very inspiring. It’s a good read for families to strengthen more their relationships with each other. Parents will learn so much on child rearing, on how to show their love to their children while it is not yet too late. They do not have to wait for the time that they can no longer embrace their children and say to them how much they love them just like what happened to Sara in the novel, regretting the time she missed showing how much she loved Anna.
References:
Bowen, Murray (n.d.) Bowen Theory. Retrieved October 11, 2009 from http://www.thebowencenter.org/pages/theory.html
Family Systems Theory. Retrieved October 10, 2009 from http://www.genopro.com/genogram/family-systems- theory/
Paquette, Dede and John Ryan (2001.). Bronfenbrenner’s Ecological Systems Theory. Retrieved October 11, 2009 from 20Webs/Bronfnebrenner%20webquest/culture.htm (1 of 2) [7/12/2001 6:40:39 PM]
Picoult, Jodi (2004). My Sister’s Keeper. New York: A Division of Simon and Schuster.
Values. Retrieved October 11, 2009 from http://www.fsilafayette.org/about_us/documents/Valuesandbeliefs.pdf
Ana with her five siblings
Struggle to survive every day
Left orphan at a young age
Amidst trials she remains steadfast
With only two matchsticks to cook their food
To light piles of wood underneath a mound of soil
to make charcoal for a living
She still chooses to part with one matchstick
To give it to her neighbour in dire need
In the darkest of night, she bends her knees
Surrendering their fate to One True God
As dawn breaks into morning
There comes grace
Sent by the Heavens
A philanthropist knocking on her door
Bringing a good news
The generous Ana with her siblings
Will have a new home .
Before, I used to question a lot of things
Illness, suffering, and death
Life for me then, was quite complicated,
mysterious, incomprehensible
For I never knew what’s in store for me each day
Things sometimes happen the way I want to
At other times, I can’t just help seeing things happening
I wish I could have done something
But I am powerless
Like a feather in the wind
Like a dry grass in a thriving garden
Like a fallen leaf carried away by the gushing current
Like a smouldering house consumed by fire
In times like this, I wonder
Why the Heavens just let things pass
The way they do
Alone in the deafening silence of my room
I found hunches through self-introspection
That the things that happened beyond our control
Happened for a reason
Which our Heavenly Father allows
To give us strength and hope
That 90% of what happened
happened because of the Universal Law of Attraction
That whatever you think and aspire for
Every single cell of your body moves towards that direction
That discovery, I’ll keep for a lifetime.
Resentment
One letter word
Yet a very powerful feeling
That can enslave any one
Even me
I feel its pangs
piercing my very soul
and like a venom poisoning me to the core
how does it happen?
It’s unexplainable
I thought of me like a formidable fortress
That would never collapse despite the outside pressure
Yet, I am mistaken – a false pretence
For it only takes ingratitude,
Indifference, utter disregard and apathy
To weaken my highly spirited self.
I’m sobbing within
A scream so silent that no one hears
Feigned by smiles and laughters
to hide inner pain.
